Anxiety is overwhelming

The last 3 months have been a blur of social gatherings, dear friends moving, one roundtrip flight, and another kitten. I don’t think I’ve ever been this disinterested in anything fiber related in ages. Honestly I’m pretty sure it’s the constant changing of my anxiety meds along with not wanting to do anything. Sheer motivation right now can’t even get me to do anything past getting out of bed and getting dressed. The idea of social obligations right now is indeed quite petrifying.

I did accomplish many mini social gathering and get togethers for my kids. I managed to hop on a plane and fly all the way to Maryland from Alabama for my best friends wedding. It seems like such a blur now. It was the most relaxing, fun, go with the flow time I’ve had in ages. I got to see people I haven’t seen in over a decade and meet new people within a circle I’ve heard about but never had the opportunity to until then. I miss my east coast life at times.

Now I’ve acquired animal #4, Jon, Jon Snow to be more precise, or bat cat as I call him. Sam and him are two peas in a pod and instigators. We’ve had him for almost two weeks and it’s really quite interesting to see how different their personalities are. I’ve only broken out the yarn for them, to make new cat toys to chase around the house and lose under the furniture. Now to get back on track and start getting some accountability lists going so I can force my motivation back into me. Ha.

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Stash Purge

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When the brain and fingers refuse to cooperate, the pumpkin spice lattes and cleaning purges begin. It was a bit of a drizzly day to begin with. I don’t like sitting idle. Outlander was over much sooner than I had expected last night to my dismay. I thought I had another hour of reading, and ended up with that lost feeling, between the lace rage, the book despair, some personal familial dysfunction-because my family puts the fun in dysfunctional, the week has been a bit sporadic. The room parent duties are picking up, and I’ve apparently jumped the gun, and done some of the stuff I needed to ahead of myself, now it’s just a matter of organizing chaos and making sure people have things together so we can communicate effectively. I don’t want to be overbearing or unorganized and lackadaisical. I’m an anxious person can you tell?

So now I’m waiting for emails, waiting for a list. In the process of waiting and not knitting I have started rearranging. I do this sporadically. It’s either a nervous habit, a depressive habit, or one to keep me from the latter. It refreshes the scenery, the mind, and makes new of the old. It’s the ingenious bargain makeover. It’s a great way to clean as you go as well. You find all sorts of treasures that have gotten lost with the ages and trash that mysteriously never made it to the proper facilities. Then for some reason, you reach a point where you may think I have too much in here. What happened to the nice simple room? It’s all chaos now, no matter how much I clean! The decluttering has begun. One thing leads to another and then before you know it, you finally come to terms with the size of your yarn stash. You no longer need to hoard the acrylic you don’t use. No seriously! I can hear some of you laughing with doubt. I know not everyone has a broad spectrum of materials in their yarn stash. I’ve gotten to the point where I just can’t use cheap acrylic without breaking out and I can no longer fool myself into thinking I’m ever going to use it, gloved and long sleeved or not.  So I organized and wound some of the larger balls, and made an album and listed them locally for sale. There were a few miscellaneous cotton and wool and some bamboo blends mixed in. But I had to be realistic. If I ever wanted to make use my stash, I’d have to get rid of things that were taking up room for potential yarn.

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I feels weird getting rid of the first big chunk of stash I have ever had, but I turn around and look at my shelves and still have a ton of yarn to work through. I just need motivation, inspiration, and maybe a good rolling black out to get it all going.

I don’t even know what that is

Do you ever have one of those moments where someone asks you to do something, because it puts both of you at an advantage, but rather begrudgingly?

I volunteer at my children’s school throughout the year with class functions and had signed up again at the recent back to school affair before school started this year. I got an email asking to be the room mom for my daughter’s class. Now I have observed the last two years living here, as I have 1) never lived anywhere where such things have existed or needed to be of use, and 2) have minimal idea what such people do. So I did what any person does when coming across such mythological terms and meeting their fate. I googled it, I studied it, I pinterested it, I found school calendar stuff, I shall be prepared and brought out of my yarnie cocoon of a comfort zone. I shall be the best unprepared home room mom of the 4th grade ever. Or not. We shall see. They only asked because my kid has a ridiculous amount of food allergies, and I volunteer. They don’t know how socially awkward I am yet, or that I bring my knitting everywhere. I am literally laughing as I write this because this is the push I need to be less of a hermit and I know this will either make or break my social anxiety.

I finally have some finished objects to speak of…a hat for my steps sister and the baby blanket finally finito. The hat pattern is The Heartskull Hat and the baby blanket is the ever popular Wool Eater Blanket. I’m very excited to have finished both, as I’ve liked both and needed a good excuse to make them.

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Now that my time restricted projects are complete, I can get back to all my shelved to wips. I’m rather excited about that, it has been so hard to see them in baskets and work on others without picking them up and doing a few rows.

Now that things are settling into a new routine, I’ve discovered something else to relax and wind down- I’ve discovered how to access my local libraries online pdf collection. Now all I need is some 70 degree weather and some hot spiced cider.